Trojans, Greeks Make Nice: History All Screwed Up

  • Greeks did not sack Troy.
  • Achilles dead anyway.
  • Roman Empire never happened.

Odysseus climbed out of the Trojan Horse today, as expected. What happened next was a surprise: Paris, alleged kidnapper of Helen, was waiting below the horse with 50 smiling Trojan citizens. All threw flower petals when Odysseus and his cramped, tired men climbed from the horse.

The wily hero was nonplussed. "I was flabbergasted," Odysseus said, "I was all ready to pillage, but when you get a reception like this, you just have to think twice."

The Greeks did not sack Troy. Instead, both sides sat down to a feast. As a result, the Roman Empire didn't rise. We're not sure exactly what the end result will be, but so far Nero, Caligula and Mark Antony have disappeared from the history books. Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar" is now titled "Julius, Tiller of Fields."

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Quotes and Related Information

"I'm kinda disappointed that I had to die and go to the underworld. It's boring down here." - Achilles

"We're very pleased that we could bring this conflict to a bloodless conclusion." - Odysseus

"What the heck will we make a movie about now?" - Brad Pitt

About Troy

Troy is a really old city. Lots of people lived there until this guy named Paris allegedly kidnapped Helen. Menelaus got grouchy about it and sent a huge fleet to attack. The rest is history. You can learn more on Wikipedia.