10 April Fools I thought of doing, then gave up

I realized at about 1 AM that I’m so routinely full of crap that there was pretty much no way anyone would believe any April Fools joke I tried. I did have a lot of ideas, though:

1. Redirect my site to someone like The Internet Shark, because I’m such an admirer. He, after all, does have The System That Makes Bank On Google.
2. Announce that I’m quitting Portent Interactive and Conversation Marketing to become a cat farmer. I decided that was too believable, and tabled it.
3. Send out a press release announcing we’d been acquired by Ogilvy. But I got a B- in law school, and Ogilvy undoubtedly has the attorneys who got A’s, so I ruled that one out.
4. Tell the world I’m the first male pregnancy in history, and that I had to be hospitalized for 9 months. Too outlandish.
5. Let you know that I’ve been given a huge book contract to write a work of fiction about the internet marketing industry titled “Bonfire of Insanity”. Also too outlandish.
6. Announce that I had cracked the Yahoo! code, and could now make thousands overnight using a secret formula.
7. Inform my loyal readers that my blog was being acquired by the Huffington Post.
8. Change my political affiliation to Republican. Also too outlandish. My family would probably have me committed – no one as sarcastic as me can be a Republican.
9. Tell everyone I won a Fisker Karma in a raffle. God, I wish.
10. Cry triumphantly that Target actually did some SEO on their site, because their IT department realized how important it is to the company’s well-being, and because their CMO realized that a 5% increase in online revenue more than paid for the five hours’ work required to make basic changes to the site.

That was when I realized I was too sleep-deprived, gave up, and went to sleep.

Related, or not-so-related

• Stop plagiarism in 3 easy steps
• Subfolders, subdomains and new domains: Where your blog should live
• Pubcon South discount code: Help pay my plane ticket