Your Internet Marketing Campaign is Screwed When...

February 19, 2009 by ian

You know your internet marketing campaign is screwed when:

• Your boss refers to the campaign as "a learning experience".
• You get fewer visitors than you have percentage points in your bounce rate.
• Your team looks at you blankly when you say "SEO Copywriting".
• You don't have any analytics tools in place. Just give up.
• You're proud of the fact that you grabbed the top organic search position for your own brand name.
• You think quality score is something given to meat.
• Frank, the developer down the hall who's doing your project in between his other priorities, says "Oh, THAT PROJECT" when you check on his progress.
• You get 15% clickthrough on your PPC ads, and a 10% bounce rate, but you don't sell anything.
• Your boss/client keeps forwarding you blogs posts they found from 1999 about SEO and the keywords META tag.
• "Budget? Oh, we have enough to run for about 3-4 weeks. We have to get a positive ROI by then."
• You suddenly understand what makes some folks flee the country.
• You lie to your family and tell them you're helping sell diet supplements.
• A single conversion is cause for celebration.
• No one at your company knows what a customer is worth.
• No one at your company likes your customers.
• No one at your company likes anyone else at your company.
• You haven't launched a landing page after 2 weeks, because the art department keeps moving the logo around.
• The CEO keeps going in and tweaking your Adwords campaign (I'm a CEO. I do this. I'm a horrible person.).
• Your super-secure login for your e-commerce system is 'password'.
• 24 hours after you launch the campaign, your boss is asking you how it's doing. I'm not talking about a landing page, people. I'm talking about the entire campaign.
• You're rereading Atlas Shrugged.
• You've realized this was not a good time to go on a diet.
• You're burning through your prescription at twice the normal rate.
• Someone uses the word 'synergy' in a status meeting more than 3 times.
• You're spending more time reporting statistics than you are testing new headlines.
• You haven't tested any new headlines.
• You haven't tested anything.
• You've nodded at every single one of these.

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